Oooof. Last night I dreamt I was sitting on the floor of the what was commonly called the servants quarters, at my family home in Zimbabwe. In front of me is a man, and he is talking to me, sharing something deeply personal. I feel an intense compassion, and then a huge surprise/shock in realising that I can care really deeply about someone who lives in the servants quarters!
I woke up and told my husband the dream, describing how vastly different the architecture of my living area and their area was. And then I briefly talked about it with someone on my study committee. They asked if there were ever kids who lived in the living quarters... yes, our maid's granddaughter and I would get a blackboard out and we would sit in the kitchen or garden, whilst I tried teach her English spelling. The rank differences are so big!!!
My schooling, upbringing, society, government all uphold strict morals and rules. My work place now has strict policies and guidelines. In some shape or form, they dictate to me what is expected of me, and they offer safety. Yet I keep brushing up against these very systems... medical diagnosis that led to further ill health, government visas that split up my family, seeing people fall through the cracks due to funding criteria of health services, etc.
I know I have a level of higher rank in society, and this privilege has gifted me with so so much. At the same time, I am learning how challenging it is now to step out of conditioned situations where there is a strong sense of control/authority, deeply perceived as safety. I didn't need to develop an inner sense of guidance.
Without those systems of control, I meet my own low-rank, which until this compassionate dream, has felt a bit like being a chicken with its' head chopped off.